Parenting

Supporting and promoting physical, social, emotional, intellectual, spiritual and career development of children from infancy to adulthood is called parenting. Parenting prepares children for independence that is helping to learn about children development, safety & security and health at each phase of life.

Rationale for Positive Parenting

Parents need to do all what they try to meet their own needs and cope with their personal struggles. Parents are susceptible to different types of problems that can greatly affect how they take care and manage their families, especially in how they are guided and raise their children. According to expert, some common issues faced by parents include:

  • Developmental Concerns i.e. Physical, Emotional, Mental & Education.
  • Aggressive, Violating and Maladaptive Behaviors of Children.
  • Internal Family Tensions and Suppressions.
  • Lack of Confidence and Self-esteem.
  • Adolescence or Teenage Issues.

Objectives of Positive Parenting

Although becoming parents is rewarding, it is also challenging because the responsibilities that parents must fulfil are meaningful for physical growth and intellectual development of children. Parents are required to:

  • Meet primary and secondary needs of children i.e. home, food, education and healthcare.
  • Support children to be creative, safe and constructive environment.
  • Raise good children who can contribute to family, society and country.
  • Provide loving, supportive and caring home environment.

Positive Parenting

Positive parenting focuses on establishing strong relationship between parents and children based on mutual communication and respect with emphasis on teaching children. It believes that children are born good and with the desire to do the right things with emphasis on importance of mutual respect and discipline. This approach nurtures proper futuristic behavior instead of punishing on past misbehavior. As parents, you nurture, protect, guide and provide your children a good start in life. As your children grow and develop, there are many things you can do to help your children. Parents who practice positive parenting do not use punishment to correct problematic behavior. Instead, they proactively fulfill the emotional needs of children through positive interactions which prevents a great deal of bad behavior from happening.

Developmental Milestones of Positive parenting

Infants: 0-1 Year of Age

The skills such as taking first step, smiling first time and waving hands to say are developmental milestones at this age phase. Children reach milestones in how they play, learn, speak, behave and move i.e. crawling, walking or jumping.

In the first year, babies learn to focus their vision, reach out, explore and learn about the things around them. Learning language is more than making sounds babble or saying “ma-ma” and “da-da”. Listening, understanding and knowing the names of people and things are part of language development.

During this stage, babies also develop bonds of love and trust with their parents and others as part of social and emotional development. The way parents cuddle, hold and play with their babies set the basis for how they interact with them and others.

Suggestions for Positive Parenting at This Age Phase

  • Talk to your baby, he/she will find your voice calming.
  • Answer when your baby makes sounds by repeating the sounds and adding words which will help him/her to learn the use of language.
  • Praise your baby to provide him/her loving attention.
  • Cuddling your baby will help him/her to feel care and secure.
  • Play with your baby when he/she is alert and relaxed.
  • Watch your baby closely for signs of being tired or fussy so that he/she can take break from playing.
  • Distract your baby with toys and move him/her to safe areas when he/she moves to touch things that should not be touched.
  • Do not shake your baby ever as babies have weak neck muscles that are not yet able to support their heads.
  • Make sure you always put your baby to sleep on him/her back.
  • Protect your baby and family from secondhand smoke. Do not allow anyone to smoke in your home.
  • Place your baby in rear-facing car seat in the back seat.
  • Do not let your baby play with small toys and other things that may be easy for him/her to swallow.
  • Don’t allow the baby to play with anything that covers his/her face.
  • Never carry hot liquids or foods near baby or while holding him/her.
  • Baby learns about new tastes of food for about 6 to 24 months, but breast milk should still be an important source of nutrition because mother’s feeding meets all needs of baby.
  • Feed your baby slowly and patiently.
  • Encourage your baby to try new tastes, but without force and watch closely if he/she is still hungry.
  • Try not to keep your baby in swings, strollers, bouncer seats and exercise saucers for too long.
  • For children younger than 18 months of age, it is the best if babies do not use screen media other than video chatting.
  • Make sure your child gets recommended amount of sleep each night: For infants 4-12 months, 12–16 hours per 24 hours (including nap).

Minors: 1-2 Years of Age

Children reach milestones in how they play, learn, speak, behave and move like crawling, walking and jumping. During this age phase, children move around more, are aware of themselves and their surroundings. Their desire to explore new objects and people also is increasing. During this phase, children show greater independence, begin to show cheeky behavior, recognize themselves in mirror and imitate behavior of others.

 

Suggestions for Positive Parenting at This Age Phase

  • Ask him/her to find objects for you and name body parts and objects.
  • Play matching games like shape sorting and simple puzzles.
  • Help to develop language by talking with him/her and adding words for example if your toddler says “baba”, you can respond, Yes, you are right that is a bottle.
  • Encourage your children growing independently by helping them in dressing and eating.
  • Encourage the curiosity of children and ability to recognize common objects by taking field trips together to park or going on ride.
  • Because children are moving around more, they come across more dangers. Dangerous situations can happen quickly, so keep close eye on children.
  • Do NOT leave children near or around water i.e. bathtubs, pools, ponds, lakes, whirlpools & ocean without closely watching them.
  • Ensure that your home is children proof by placing plug covers on all unused electrical outlets.
  • Keep kitchen appliances, irons and heaters out of reach of children.
  • Keep sharp objects such as scissors, knives and pens in a safe place.
  • Lock up medicines, household cleaners and poisons.
  • DO NOT leave your children alone in vehicle i.e. car or van, even for a few moments.
  • Keep your children on rear-facing seat of car, it is the best way to keep them safe.
  • Give your children water and plain milk instead of sugary drinks.
  • Your children may become a picky and erratic eater, offer selection of healthy food and let them choose.
  • Limit screen time to develop media use plan for your family as recommends that it is best if children not use screen media.
  • Your children will seem to be moving continually i.e. running, kicking, climbing or jumping. Let them be active as they are developing coordination and becoming strong.
  • Make sure your children get recommended sleep each night: For children 1-2 years, 11–14 hours per 24 hours (including nap).

Children: 2-3 Years of Age

The skills such as taking turns, playing, make believe and kicking ball are developmental milestones of this age phase. Because of children’s growing desire is to be independent, this age phase is called ’horrific’ However, it can be an exciting time for parents and children. Children experience thinking, learning, social and emotional changes helping them to explore new world and make sense.

Suggestions for Positive Parenting at This Age Phase

  • Set special time to read books with your children.
  • Encourage your children to take part in play.
  • Help your children to explore things around them.
  • Encourage your children to tell you their name and age.
  • Teach your children simple poems or cultural childhood rhymes.
  • Provide your children attention and praise when they follow instructions and show positive behavior as well as limit attention for defiant behavior.
  • Because your children are moving around, they may come across the dangerous situations, so keep a close eye on your children.
  • Encourage your children to chew the food well and be sitting position when eating to prevent choking.
  • Encourage your children not to put pencils or crayons in their mouth when coloring or drawing.
  • DO NOT hold hot drinks while your children are sitting on your lap.
  • Your children may change what food they like from day to day. It’s normal behavior and it is the best not to make an issue of it.
  • Keep television sets out of bedroom of your children. Set limits for screen time for your children not more than 1 hour per day of quality programming at home, school or afterschool care to develop a media use plan for your family.
  • Encourage free play as much as possible helps your children in staying active and to develop strong motor skills.
  • Make sure your children get recommended sleep each night: For toddlers 1-2 years, 11–14 hours per 24 hours (including nap).

Pre-schooler: 3-5 Years of Age

The skills such as naming colors, showing affection and hopping on one’s foot are developmental milestones of this age phase. Children show interest to play, learn, speak, behave and move i.e. crawling, walking, jumping etc. Their interactions with family and around them help to shape their personality and thinking patterns. During this phase, children be able to ride tricycle, help to dress and undress themselves, play with children, recall part of story and hymn a poem.

Suggestions for Positive Parenting at This Age Phase

  • Continue to explore to your children.
  • Nurture love for books by taking them to library.
  • Let your children help with simple chores.
  • Encourage your children to play with other children helping them to learn the value of sharing and friendship.
  • Be clear and consistent when disciplining your children. Explain the behavior that you expect from them. Whenever you ask them NO, follow up with what they should be doing instead.
  • Help your children develop good language skills by speaking in complete sentences and using “grown up” words. Help them to use the correct words and phrases.
  • Help your children through to solve problems when they are upset.
  • Provide your children limited number of simple choices i.e. deciding what to wear, when to play and what to eat for snack.
  • As your children become more independent and spend more time in outside world, it is important that you and your children are aware about ways to stay safe.
  • Tell your children why it is important to stay out of traffic and not to play in the street or run after stray balls.
  • Be cautious when letting your children ride tricycle. Ask them to stay on sidewalk and away from street and always wear helmet.
  • Check outdoor playground equipment. Make sure there is no loose parts or sharp edges.
  • Watch your children all times, especially when they are playing.
  • Teach your children to swim, but watch them all swimming time.
  • Keep your children in forward-facing car seat with harness.
  • Once your children outgrow the forward-facing car seat with harness will be time for him to travel in booster seat, but still in back seat.
  • Eat meals with your children whenever possible. Let your children see you enjoying fruits, vegetables and whole grains at meals. Your children should eat and drink only limited amount of food containing added sugars, solid fats or salts.
  • Keep television sets out of your children’s bedroom. Set limits for screen time for your children not more than 1 hour per day of quality programming at home, school or afterschool care to develop media plan for your family.
  • Provide your children with age appropriate play equipment i.e. balls and plastic bats, but let your pre-schooler choose what to play which makes moving and being active fun for pre-schooler.
  • Make sure your children get recommended sleep: For pre-schooler 3-5 years, 10-13 hours per 24 hours (including nap).

Middle Childhood: 6-8 Years of Age

Middle childhood brings changes in life of children. By this time, children are able to dress themselves, catch ball and tie shoes. Having independence from family becomes important. Starting school bring children into regular contact with larger world. Friendship becomes important. Physical, social and mental skills develop quickly. This is critical time to develop confidence through friends, schoolwork and sports. Developing domains during this age phase are as under:

Emotional/Social Development

  • Develop more independence from parents and family.
  • Start to think about the future.
  • Understand more about their place/position in world.
  • Pay more attention to friendships and teamwork.
  • Want to be liked and accepted by society.

Thinking and Learning

  • Show rapid development of intellectual abilities.
  • Learn to describe experiences.
  • Interested to talk about thoughts and feelings.
  • Have less focus on one’s self and more concern for others.

Suggestions for Positive Parenting at This Age Phase

  • Show affection for your children.
  • Recognize and appreciate their accomplishments.
  • Help your children develop the sense of responsibility.
  • Ask them to help with household tasks such as setting the table.
  • Talk with your children about school, friends and things they look forward in future.
  • Talk with your children about respecting others.
  • Encourage them to help people in need.
  • Help your children set their own achievable goals.
  • Children to learn take pride and rely less on reward from others.
  • Help children learn patience by letting others go first.
  • Encourage children to foresee consequences before taking action.
  • Make clear rules and ask children to stick to them i.e. how long to watch TV and when to play as well as when to go for bed.
  • Do fun together as family such as playing games, reading books and going to events in community.
  • Get involved with schooling of your children. Meet school’s staff to get understanding about their learning and how you and school can work together to help your children to achieve more.
  • Continue to observe and explore your children.
  • Use discipline to guide and protect your children rather than punish them to make them feel bad.
  • Follow up the discussion what not to do with discussion of what to do instead.
  • Praise your children for good behavior. It is best to focus praise on what your children do than on they cannot change.
  • Support your children in taking new challenges.
  • Encourage your children to solve problems such as disagreement with another child or on his/her own.
  • Encourage your children to join groups in school and community i.e. sports team or take advantage of volunteer opportunities.
  • The physical ability and independence can put children at risk for injuries from falls and other accidents. Motor vehicle crashes are the most common from unintentional injury among children at this age.
  • Teach your children to watch out for traffic and how to be safe when walking to school, riding a bike and playing outside.
  • Make sure your children understand water safety and supervise them while swimming or playing near water.
  • Supervise your children when they are engaged in risky activities.
  • Talk with your children how to ask for help when they are in needs.
  • Keep potentially harmful tools, equipment and firearms out of your children’s reach.
  • Parents can help make schools healthier. Work with your children’s school.
  • E your children have almost 1x hour for physical activity each day.
  • Keep television sets out of your children’s bedroom. Set limits for screen time for your children at home, school or afterschool to develop media plan for your family.
  • Be role model by eating healthy food.
  • Make sure your children get recommended sleep: For school age children 6-12 years, 9-12 hours per 24 hours (including nap).

Middle Childhood: 9-11 Years of Age

Your children are growing for independence and interest at this phase. Healthy friendship is important, but peer pressure can become strong. Children who feel good about themselves are more able to resist negative peer pressure and make better choices. It is an important time for children to gain sense of responsibility along with their growing independence. The physical changes of puberty may be shown, especially for girls. Children need to prepare for junior school. Developing domains during this age phase are as under:

Emotional/Social Changes

  • Start to form stronger friendships and peer relationships.
  • Become aware of their body as puberty approaches. Body image and eating problems sometimes start around this age phase.

Thinking and Learning

  • Face more academic challenges at school.
  • Become more independent from family.
  • Begin to see the point of view of others more clearly.
  • Have an increased attention span.
  • Helping children cope with stress and worries

Suggestions for Positive Parenting at This Age Phase

  • Spend time for children to talk about their friends, accomplishments, and what challenges they face.
  • Be involved in schooling and visit school to meet teachers.
  • Encourage children to join school and community groups i.e. sports team and volunteer for charity.
  • Help children to develop their own sense of right and wrong.
  • Talk with children about risky and dangerous things.
  • Help your children develop sense of responsibility by involving your children in household tasks like cleaning and cooking.
  • Talk with your children about saving and spending money wisely.
  • Meet with families of your children’s friends.
  • Talk with your children about respecting others.
  • Encourage your children to help people in need.
  • Talk about what to do when others are not kind or disrespectful.
  • Help your children set their own goals.
  • Encourage children to think about skills they need to develop.
  • Make clear rules and stick to them.
  • Talk with your children what you expect from them (Behavior).
  • Use discipline to guide and protect your children instead of punish them to make them feel bad.
  • Help your children think about their accomplishments by saying “you must be proud of yourself” rather than simply “I am proud of you”.
  • Encourage children to make good choices when nobody is around to praise them.
  • Talk with your children about normal physical and emotional changes of puberty.
  • Talk your children about schoolwork and homework.
  • Be affectionate and honest with your children to do things together.
  • Make sure your children wear helmet when riding bike or skateboard.
  • Many children reach home from school before their parents come from work. It is important to have clear rules and plans for your children when they are alone at home.
  • Provide fruits and vegetables and limit foods high in solid fats, added sugars or salt to prepare healthier foods for family meals.
  • Keep television sets out of your children’s bedroom. Set limits for screen time to develop media plan for your family.
  • Encourage your children to participate in physical activities that are age appropriate and enjoyable i.e. running, muscle strengthening, bone strengthening and jumping rope.
  • Make sure children get recommended sleep each night: For school age children 6-12 years, 9-12 hours per 24 hours (including nap).

Young Teenage: 12-14 Years of Age

This age phase is marked with physical, mental, emotional and social development along with hormonal changes cause puberty. Most boys grow facial and pubic hair and their voices deepen. Most girls grow pubic hair, breasts and start their periods. This is a time when your children may face peer pressure to use alcohol, tobacco products, drugs use and to have sexual inclination. Other challenges can be eating disorders, depression and family problems. At this age, teenagers make choices about friends, sports and school. Developing domains during this age are as under:

Emotional/Social Development

  • Show more concern about body image and look.
  • Focus between expectations and lack of confidence.
  • Experience more moodiness.
  • Show interest and influence by peer group.
  • Express less affection toward parents.
  • Sometimes may seem rude or short-tempered.
  • Feel stress from more challenging schoolwork.
  • Develop eating problems.
  • Feel sadness which can lead to poor grades at school.
  • Helping children cope with stress and worries.

Thinking and Learning

  • Be better able to express feelings through talking.
  • Develop stronger sense of right and wrong.

Suggestions for Positive Parenting at This Age Phase

  • Meet and know the friends of your children.
  • Show interest in your school life.
  • Help your teenager to make healthy choices.
  • Respect opinions of teenager to take thoughts and feelings into account. It is important, they know you are listening to them.
  • When there is conflict, be clear about goals and expectations i.e. getting good grades, keeping things clean and showing respect, but allow your teenager input how to reach those goals i.e. when and how to study or clean.
  • Make sure your teenager knows the importance of wearing seatbelts.
  • Encourage your teenager to wear helmet while riding bike.
  • Talk with your teenager about harmful impacts of drugs, drinking, smoking and risky activity.
  • Talk with your teenager about the importance of having friends interested in positive activities.
  • Set clear rules for your teenager when they are at home alone.
  • Teach how to handle emergency situation, completing homework or household tasks.
  • Encourage your teenager to be physically active. They may join team sport or take individual sport i.e. helping with household tasks such as mowing lawn or washing car also keep active.
  • Meal time is important for families. Eating together helps teenagers to make better choices about the foods they eat.
  • Promote healthy weight and give your family members time to talk with each other.
  • Keep television sets out of your teenager’s bedroom. Set limits for screen time, including cell phones, computers, video games and other devices to develop family media plan.
  • Make sure your children recommended sleep each night: For teenagers 13-18 years, 8-10 hours per 24 hours (Including nap).

Teenagers: 15-17 Years of Age

This is the age phase characterized with thinking, feelings, interact with others and how their bodies grow. Most girls are physically mature by now and have completed puberty. Boys will be maturing physically during this phase. Teenagers may have concerns about their body size, shape and weight. Eating disorders also can be common, especially among girls. During this phase, children are developing their unique personality typology. Relationship with friends are still important, your teenagers will have other interests as they develop more clear sense of self. Developing domains during this age phase are as under:

Emotional/Social Changes

  • Have more interest in romantic relationships.
  • Go through less conflict with parents.
  • Show more independence from parents.
  • Have capacity of caring for developing intimate relationships.
  • Spend less time with parents and more time with friends.
  • Feel sadness which can lead to poor grades at school.

Thinking and Learning

  • Learn more defined work habits.
  • Show more concern about future school and work plans.
  • Be better able to give reasons for their choices including about what is right or wrong.

Suggestions for Positive Parenting at This Age Phase

  • Talk with your teenagers about their concerns and pay attention to any change in behavior.
  • Ask your children if they have extreme thoughts, particularly if they seems sad or depressed. Asking about extreme thoughts will not cause them to have these thoughts, but it will let them know that you care about how they feel.
  • Show interest in schooling and co-curricular activities to encourage your children and also get them involved in sports and art.
  • Encourage your children to volunteer and become involved in civic activities in community.
  • Compliment your teenagers to celebrate their accomplishments.
  • Show affection for your teenagers by spending time together.
  • Respect the opinion of your children by listen them.
  • Encourage teenagers to develop solutions to problems or conflicts.
  • Help teenagers to learn and make good decisions.
  • If teenagers engage in interactive internet media such as games, chat rooms and instant messaging, encourage them to make good decisions about what they post and amount of time they spend on these activities.
  • Help your children to plan ahead in difficult or uncomfortable situations.
  • Respect your teen’s need for privacy.
  • Encourage your children to get enough sleep, exercise and to eat healthy and balanced meals.
  • Talk with your teenagers about the dangers of driving and how to be safe on road.
  • Remind your teenagers to wear helmet when riding bike.
  • Talk with your children about the dangers of drugs, drinking, smoking and risky activities.
  • Encourage your children to get sufficient sleep, physical activity and to eat healthy and balanced meals.
  • Keep television sets out of your children’s bedroom. Set limits for screen time, including cell phones, computers, video games and other devices to develop family media plan.
  • Encourage your children to have meals with family.
  • Eating together will help to make better choices about food they eat.
  • Promote healthy weight and give family members time to talk with each other. In addition, a child who eats meals with family is more likely to get better grades and less likely to smoke, drink, use drugs and also less likely to get into fights or think about extremism.
  • Make sure children get recommended sleep: For teenagers 13-18 years, 8-10 hours per 24 hours (including nap).

Benefits of Positive Parenting

Self-Development of Children

Positive parenting can promote confidence among children and provide them with the tools needed to make good choices. It also nurtures self-esteem, creativity and ability to adjust in society. It fosters respectful relationships built on healthy and adult expectations. When children feel strong bond with parents, they are likely to behave appropriately and grow up to be resilient, confident, caring and responsible adults.

Fewer Behavior Problems

It is observed that using positive discipline yields positive outcomes in terms of children’s behavior and emotional maturity. In contrast to harsh and punitive parenting in early childhood result in more behavior problems. Parents who are cold, uninvolved and unresponsive raise kids with worse self-regulation which exacerbates the children’s behavior issues.

Close Parent-child Relationship

The positive parents do not need to punish their children to correct problematic behavior. There is no more yelling, power struggle or hostility. As a result, parent-child dynamics change and their relationship improves. Furthermore, mutual respect and open communication strengthen the parent-child relationship.

Better Self-esteem and Mental Well-being

Children raised with the positive parenting techniques have higher self-esteem. They believe they can do things as well as most other kids. These children are also more resilient and those who are resilient with self-confidence have less family conflict and better connections with their loving parents. They tend to have better mental health.

Greater School Performance

Positively parented children enjoy more academic success. A better parent-child relationship resulting from this parenting style is also highly associated with school performance.

Better Social Competence

Children brought through positive parenting have better social problem-solving skills and social self-efficacy. They are well-adjusted and have strong sense of self.

Self-esteem and Less Stress

Children are not the only ones who benefit from positive parenting techniques, parents who practice positive discipline also gain self-esteem and confidence in their parenting. They have less parenting-related stress as their children have self-discipline and are well-behaved.

Parents as Counselor

Positive parenting aims to implant practical knowledge, guidance and the most effective support to parents without personal judgment, strengthen existing parenting abilities and promote the development of new competencies so that parents have advance acquaintance and skills needed to carry out child-rearing responsibilities and provide their children with experiences and opportunities that ensure Holistic Development as well as practical learning of children. Positive parenting enables to be a successful and refined ‘Parent as Counsellor’. Parenting Counseling services offer techniques helping parents to get better understanding of their parenting style and face as well as eventually conquer their personal concerns, bringing harmony to family and peace in household. Parenting counseling is a multi-fold approach and multi-step process in which results cannot be expected immediately.

Parents are encouraged to work with professionals during schooling hours. Just like in any counseling, parents to get suggested to relive from painful memories. They may initially become uncomfortable or anxious to share them. Positive parenting through parenting counseling is recommended for all parents.

Parents/Students Message

Parents and students are encouraged to meet/contact our Counseling Personals if you find any developmental delay or you seek professional help to learn healthy parents-children relationship in order to ensure the age-appropriate development. You are also suggested to comprehend the following developmental models/theories:

  • Psychosocial Development Model of Eric Erikson
  • Cognitive Development Model of Jean Piaget
  • Social Learning Models of Albert Bandura
  • Classical Conditioning Learning Model of Ivan Pavlov
  • Operant Conditioning Learning Model of Thorndike
  • Psychodynamic Model of Sigmund Freud
  • Scaffolding Learning Model of Vygotsky